she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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