i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
