This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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