Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
