I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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