a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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