Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
