Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
farters have to be the big spoon...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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