At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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