Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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