dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
