I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
