I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
