I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
