Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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