This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
