Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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