Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
