somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
