so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
