I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
