haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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