Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
