Screwed.edu
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
