I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
