I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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