i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
