I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
