Already got asked if we're dating
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
