You really coming over, don't trick.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
