her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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