Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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