I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
