I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
