i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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