If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
