Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
