so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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