Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
