I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
