Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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