Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
