last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
