Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
