Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
