This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
