You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
