i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
