And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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