Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You pole danced in your parka.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
