So many bounce houses so little time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
