He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
