i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
